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Sunday
May062012

Film Reviews Round Up


Just wanted to let our LF readership know that Delme and myself write for Close-Up-Film.

So wanted to share a few: 

Firstly Juan of the Dead - which was every bit as good as I thought it would be, full review here 

New Jason Statham flick Safe, reviewed here

If you missed MI3 - Ghost Protocol then grab it on DVD for some high octane and fun nonsense

Gothic monastry style intrigue and temptation from thriller The Monk starring Vincent Cassel

and also from resident LF film expert Colin Dibben is french film - Goodbye First Love and his feature splendid featiure Retrospective - Down There the films of Shohei Imamura

And for fans of horror gore flicks Colin has kindly review Break for LF - meaning we don't have to watch it!

Break

Director: Matthias Olof Ekh - Runtime: 87 mins

Review by Colin Dibben

Four twenty-something women go hiking in the grand landscapes of Washington State, USA – a weekend of walking, camping, drinking and swimming in glacier lakes. Surprise, surprise, two backwoods guys are hunting the girls. From the get go, you know the guys are up to no good: one of them is balding but greases his dark hair back; the other one looks like podgy Aryan Brotherhood meets Tubbs Tattsyrup – she’s changed gender, apron, headscarf and hair for shaved head and blood-spattered overalls. Another clue is that you see Tubbs dressing a woman (not in clothes, but like you’d dress a deer) between two trees in the first sequence.

Yes, it’s gory. But nowhere near gory enough. In fact, all the key sequences look like they have been heavily censored: even the image-sequence on all the PR material lasts a mere two seconds. By the film makers or the BBFC? Who gives a toss? I find this deeply annoying.

The cheating bitches, fucking with my head again - as the backwoods guys might say about the girls. But I’m referring to the film makers, with their way of suggesting things we’re never really shown – and thinking that it’s enough to splash fake blood everywhere to make the retards in the audience think they’ve seen something they haven’t. If the illusion worked it wouldn’t be a problem but it doesn’t, which is why these sequences look cut all to hell. No one is watching this film for the story or characters or for hiking tips or images of the majestic mountains of Washington State (which are probably CGI anyway). They expect set-piece acts of hideous, sexualised violence – it’s what special effects and chemical castration drugs are for!

Why would you watch this film when you can go on Youtube and watch compilations of the extremely gory bits from films like this (probably including bits cut from this film)? I absolutely love the tropes of genre pictures but feel that they only make up for their clichéd nature with bursts of extreme violence. When I feel the representation of that violence has been ‘tut-tutted’ over by the media equivalent of a casuistical Jesuit ... well it makes me so angry that I want to smash someone’s face in with a hammer.

Dear film maker, if you are going to rape, I want to see the rape. If you are going to slice a thorax open so that guts fall out, I want to see a thorax sliced open and, yes, the guts fall out too. If you are lowering a body from a tree to which it is attached by cutting the hands off, I want to see the hands cut off and feel the slump of the body to the ground. If you are cutting a head off with a shark knife, I want to see the throat sliced open, feel the strength needed to pull back on the knife for full decapitation, see the neck meat pumping blood ... do you get the idea, you cheating fuckers?

Okay, I took my pill and now feel better, thank you. The only other thing to mention about this film is that you actually find yourself wondering what the back story is to the four women/ actors – over and above the sorry tale of broken hearts and unwanted pregnancy we are treated to during the redundant, non-violent bits. If they’re in Washington State – or maybe it’s Canada – why are they delivering dialogue very slowly with German accents? It certainly doesn’t improve the script, but maybe there is a good non-slasher film to be made about how four German women living in Washington State come to go hiking ... you know, a relationships film?

To summarise: seriously consider cutting your own head off and getting a dog to fuck your neck wound before you consider seeing this film.

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